A week and a half ago my sister and I moved my mom who has Alzheimer’s into an memory care center. We thought this would be the end of one chapter and the beginning of another. That was not to be. After four miserable days (heartbreaking sobs from a woman who is not a cryer) begging us to get her out of there because “it’s not a happy place and no one smiles,” a few altercations between my mom & the nursing staff (and a few pieces of furniture), and my sister and I being unable to get past the feeling that this was just not a good fit, we decided to pull her out of one assisted living center and move her into a new one. When I asked for prayer last week as her transition was not going smoothly, one of the things I prayed for was a friend for my mom by Friday. As it turns out, she did have a new friend by Friday … just in a totally different facility. God is funny. We were able to move her out of one place & into another within a 24 hour window. She is much happier in the new “hotel” and has already made friends to sit with at meals. Clearly that feeling of walking into a lunch room not knowing anyone and wondering who will be nice enough to ask you to sit with them never goes away.
So I would ask you this, in honor of my mom: when you meet someone who might need a welcome or a hug or an invitation to sit with them … be bold and invite them to sit down with you. You might make someone’s day. You might give that person a reason to come out of her room the next day and struggle past her own insecurities and fears and loneliness. You might get a hilariously wacky story that involves wading through words that often don’t naturally string together, but come out “pleasantly confused.” Or you might get a real friend.
I am still trying to figure out how to live my “normal” life where I’m only responsible for my dog and I only live in one house instead of a few. I went to the grocery store a few days ago since I haven’t had real groceries in my refrigerator in months. (Real groceries are the ones that you remember you have in your refrigerator and they haven’t spoiled or gone rotten or have funky fur growing on them.) I walked up and down the aisles of HEB trying to figure out what I needed to buy when one eats real food instead of takeout or prepared meals from the deli. I ended leaving with spinach dip and pita chips. Clearly, reconstructing my life is going to take some baby steps.
Reconstructing my life also means I’m about to wage an all-out homicidal no-holds-barred war against the fruit flies that have become drain squatters in my absence from my home. It shall be a blitzkrieg which has not been witnessed since Hitler rolled across Europe and took a vacation photo in front of the Eiffel Tower. Because even Hitler takes a vacation photo in front of the Eiffel Tower when he goes to Paris.
If you are of the “fruit flies have rights too”mentality, your opinions are dead to me. I shall soon be whistling happy tunes as I flush out all the dead fruit flies, and clean my home with the joy of Mary Poppins. I have a dark side.
In the meantime, my mom is happier, and I’m praying that her friend circle grows and grows until she doesn’t want to live anywhere else. I’m also praying that I move beyond spinach dip and pita chips into actual healthy meals; that I go to a movie, maybe eat lunch or dinner out, and that at some point this summer, I just float in a pool or down a river like the normal people do.
Thanks for the prayers, y’all.
I’m happy for your mom and the two of you sisters. That’s one of the most difficult and important things in life – finding a home for your parents where they can get great care and friends, and you can feel satisfied in their security and happiness. Congratulations. Those of your older friends who have gone through that process are probably happier than you know!
And the fruit fly annihilation project is a worthy goal! Have a grand time! Love your blog. Cheers!